Last Hope (for Hope Hill) #FridayFlash

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a flash story by David G Shrock (Listen at AudioBoo)

Standing between wagon ruts, Draco Torre considers the sign announcing Hope Hill. Stars meet prairie, flat horizons. Hope without a hill.

Following ruts, Torre scans dark buildings. Nothing stirs. Blasted heat carries the stench of death.

At the far end of Hope Hill, light flows from an open doorway, down three steps splashing the road. The church casts a sullen look. Catcalls of rapists, howls of murderers pour from the doorway. A scream shatters the night.

Not even the hottest summer on record matches the blazing eyes of Draco Torre.
Throwing open duster, Torre grasps guns. Last hope for Hope Hill.

_______________________________________________________

This is a flash version of the opening to my second novel. Different, but captures the essence.

101 words. A flash contest at not from here, are you? challenges followers to write a story of 101 words containing two key words, summer and heat. I haven’t entered, but I wanted to see what I could do within the constraints. I may give it another try, but writing a complete flash story is hard enough. Check out “Dog Days Summer Flash Contest” hosted by Michael J. Solender at The NOT.

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  • http://www.dracotorre.com/blog/ David G Shrock

    I tip my hat to anyone meeting the Dog Days challenge. Flash is still a weak area for me, but at least better than my poetry. When a story gets this short, I'm completely out of my element and can no longer judge my own writing. It's an interesting experiment, at least.

  • http://www.marisabirns.com Marisa Birns

    I think you did very well with the 101 word constraint. Love the line “Hope without the hill.” Going to listen to audio now!

  • http://www.marisabirns.com Marisa Birns

    I think you did very well with the 101 word constraint. Love the line “Hope without the hill.” Going to listen to audio now!

  • marc nash

    Man this would make a great voiced over book trailer. Good stuff

    marc nash

  • http://johnwiswell.blogspot.com John Wiswell

    It's interesting the different directions we take these contest entries. My 101 was about dinosaurs re-invading the earth.

    Like Mr. Nash, I also thought this read like a book trailer. Seems hopeless for Hope Hill, but it has the power of the main character on its side…

  • Eric J Krause

    Very nice. I have to echo the sentiments that this reads very much like a book trailer. Good luck in the contest!

  • shadowsinstone

    Nice read. Under a minute. I enjoyed this. :)

  • http://www.dracotorre.com/blog/ David G Shrock

    At least now I know how to go about writing a trailer. All I need is a deep, spooky movie-guy voice :) Thanks, Marc, Wiswell, and Eric.

    I can't imagine writing about dinosaurs re-invading Earth in 101 words, but if anyone can, it has to be Wiswell. Unless I come up with a better 101, I will not enter the contest, but it will be fun reading the results.

    Thanks, Marisa. No, not bad for 101, but it could be better.

    Carrie, I'll try more in under a minute :)

  • http://daniellelapaglia.wordpress.com/ Danielle La Paglia

    Excellent job with only 101 words at your disposal. Great set up for the novel.

  • Blackbirdsong

    Excellent flash, you evoke so much mood and substance here that I am instantly hooked.

  • http://icy-sedgwick.blogspot.com Icy Sedgwick

    Ohhhhhhhh this is a very excellent opening. Wonderful descriptions, and sucks me right in!

  • http://jdanetyler.wordpress.com/ J. Dane Tyler

    That's pretty sweet. I like the present tense, though it initially took me by surprise a little. Good stuff here.

  • http://twitter.com/revhappiness Reverend Happiness

    Nice, tight writing. I now want to go and read the book.
    Adam B

  • Linda

    Only 101 words? Great practice run! Enjoyed the audioboo, too. I've been limiting my fridayflashes to 250 words or less; the practice has relaly tightened my writing. Need to get cracking for 'the not' contest. Very ominous piece with a cliff-hanger quality. Peace…

  • http://www.dracotorre.com/blog/ David G Shrock

    Thanks for the kind comments. 250 words is a strong goal and the result shows in Linda's writing. It's also easier to work into an AudioBoo.

    JDT, my novel is present tense and not for reasons like tension, although it does increase tension.

    Icy, your exuberant comment brightened my day.

    Nice to see a new face, Adam.

  • http://humanvoice.wordpress.com tomob

    Shrock

    i'm ready to read the rest of it – nice opening …

    @tomob

  • ganymeder

    It's very intriguing! I think you hit the mark, and that's pretty hard to do with 101 words (2 of which are prerequisites).

  • http://www.dracotorre.com/blog/ David G Shrock

    Tom, I'll send you the novel…. in about 6 months. Still finishing it. :)

    Thanks, Catherine. I'm still amazed I managed to write anything so short. Unfamiliar territory.

  • 2mara

    You gave me chills “The church casts a sullen look. Catcalls of rapists, howls of murderers pour from the doorway. A scream shatters the night.”

    Excellent entry. I am jealous.
    ~2

  • http://mazzz-in-leeds.com Mazzz In Leeds

    Favourite lines:
    “The church casts a sullen look”
    “Hope without a hill”

    You've managed to portray the setting very well in such a short space

  • http://twitter.com/lauraeno Laura Eno

    Great intro here!

  • http://www.dracotorre.com/blog/ David G Shrock

    My critique: The ending is implied, which is fine, but the story is still incomplete. I prefer longer stories, so anything under 500 words better be good enough to blow the reader's mind. No mind blown here. This piece is better read by a good voice actor. I tried my best. The descriptions are good for the length, and the wording and rhythm invoke the mood.

    As Linda pointed out, good exercise. I agree with the book/movie trailer comments.

    Thanks for commenting.

  • http://twitter.com/GPChing GP Ching

    Oh this is a nice little literary appetizer. Well done. Vivid.

  • http://www.jodimacarthur.blogspot.com Jodi MacArthur

    Hi David,
    You've set a scene for a shootout here. Fun stuff, I want to know what happens next. I love this line, the description is lovely and reminds me of haiku. I had to rearrange to show you:

    Stars meet prairie,
    flat horizons. Hope
    without a hill.

    Love that. Also, thanks for your kind, constructive comment you left at my blog. I really appreciate it.

  • Tbaldock

    This has a great speed to how you receive the story. I entered the ontest too and its a difficult challenge – this is great. Good luck

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