Club Necropolis

a flash story by David G Shrock

The building is alive, music pounding into the stone walls its beating heart, the vibrating steel its rumbling stomach, the buzzing neon sign its voice singing into the night. Doors open swallowing patrons feeding its hunger.

Searching for the music, Mike descends the steel staircase feeling like a feather floating on a current. Lights zip through the haze splashing the sea of dancers. Purple rods lining stone columns, black light, illuminate the waving neon bracelets and flowing white shirts breaking between the storming mass of dark clothing. Stepping onto the dance floor, Mike soaks in the music and begins bouncing to the beat.

Atop the stage, a banshee with blue hair screams into the microphone, her voice switching between demonic thunder and angelic cries. A crash of drums rolls into a new song, the banshee wails about pain and anger.

Goth girls move aside turning their gazes on Mike like predators sizing up their prey. Some of their eyes glow, special lenses catching the black light. Others snarl exposing sharp teeth. They wear costumes celebrating the creatures of the night. The goth girls, even some boys, swarm around Mike, their lulling dance pulling him deeper into the horde.

The pack opens up into a ring, a sinuous wall grooving to the music. Howls and laughter cry out. Electric guitars grind into a chant, the beat met by stomping feet and nodding heads. Fists pump into the air. The banshee screams.

Dispatching from the ring, a woman dances into the center, gyrating hips sending her into a grooving spin. She runs her fingers through her pink hair. Her palms run down her sides hugging herself.

Mike dances close, his steps complimenting hers. Her eyes blaze, a blue simmer in the black light flashing to deep crimson in the shadows. Arms wrapping around each other, hips meeting, they grind to the beat. He breathes in her sweat, tastes her licorice lips. His insides burn like fire. Peering into her intense gaze, he asks for her name, but his voice is lost to the music.

She smiles revealing her fangs. Closing in, her cheek grazes his. Her breath tickles his ear. “Candy,” she says. Squeezing against him, she licks his lips and closes in on his other ear. “Sweet as candy.” She licks his ear.

The sounds of the club fade, the howling voices growing distant. The music is a distant thunder. Mike dances, his cheek against hers, moving in a swirling wave to the music of their own feet tapping the wood floor. They dance into the shadow world.

The club takes a breath, a cool breeze.

Mike finds his arms empty. Glancing around, he finds the dance floor empty. The club is dark. Silence rings shattering thought. Peering down, he finds his shirt covered in blood. No pain. He tastes licorice lipstick on his lips.

Movement catches his eye.

Like moonlight reflecting off the rolling sea, shapes move about the dance floor becoming hazy forms. Apparitions dance in slow motion. As their features become more discernible, their movements increase in speed.

Mike hears the music, slow and quiet at first. Watching the others, noticing their vibrant faces, their sweat, he realizes he is the ghost gazing back at the world. Touching his throat, he finds torn flesh, cold and dry.

The music explodes into Mike’s thoughts, and he dances. The others barely notice him, if at all. This is Club Necropolis where the dead never dance alone.

  • http://www.dracotorre.com/blog/ David G Shrock

    Experimenting a bit. Let me know what you think or just say, hi. In other news, accepting “donations” via Smashwords at http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/17029 Thanks.

  • http://www.dracotorre.com/blog/ David G Shrock

    Experimenting a bit. Let me know what you think or just say, hi. In other news, accepting “donations” via Smashwords at http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/17029 Thanks.

  • ganymeder

    I loved this. I got a very vivid image of the club, atmosphere, etc. The part about him being the ghost was great.

  • Eric J. Krause

    Very cool story. The great description of the club and its atmosphere drew me right in. And the ending certainly didn't disappoint.

  • http://pegjet.blogspot.com pegjet

    This was FANTASTIC. Sensual and creepy, vivid, lush and the perfect twist–the story led there, but it still surprised.

    The language in this is beautiful.

    My only, one small critique (only because it read so well). One sentence: His insides burn like fired.
    Change it to “His insides burn.” That keeps your cadence, plus it gets rid of the redundancy.

    That's what makes this so beautiful. There's a cadence to each sentence that propels this story as much as how you nailed the club atmosphere. The fading and returning was masterful.

  • http://www.dracotorre.com/blog/ David G Shrock

    Thanks, Peggy. I agree about the sentence you pointed out. I'm striking the “like fire.”

    Tempo is something I'm still working on. For this one, I really had to put my mind in the right place and let go. The “fading and returning” part felt like a risk, but I decided to trust the reader to follow the flow.

  • Icy Sedgwick

    Oh I do like this! Very well written, good pacing, excellent description.

  • http://twitter.com/TonyNoland Tony Noland

    I loved the phrase, “The club takes a breath.” You conveyed the atmosphere perfectly.

  • http://twitter.com/BrainhazeWP Brainhaze

    Great read – made me feel I was really there. Good use of description in first paragraph

  • http://twitter.com/lauraeno Laura Eno

    Great imagery to this!

  • shannonesposito

    I like the fact that it's the building that's alive, I could picture it breathing, the lights and music swelling it in and out. I was a bit confused by the ending (was he the only one dead? or was everyone dead?) but that really didn't take away from my enjoyment of the read as a whole.

  • http://gmotley.wordpress.com/ Gracie

    Luscious description here. The pacing is also superb. Loved it.

  • http://www.dracotorre.com/blog/ David G Shrock

    Thanks for the feedback on “Club Necropolis.” I decided to push the storytelling through imagery into the weird. As Shannon pointed out about the ending, the story doesn't define or try to explain everything. Sometimes it works for flash, sometimes it doesn't. I like to leave some details for the reader's imagination.

    I wrote this story on Thursday right before posting breaking my primary rule. I like to set aside a story and read it with fresh eyes weeks or months later. I took a risk. Sometimes it's good to shake things up and see what happens.

    Thanks to the regular readers, and welcome newcomers.

  • http://melissalwebb.wordpress.com/ Melissa L. Webb

    I love this. Great story. I felt I was right there, entranced, like Mike.

  • Gpching

    The scene you painted was quite vivid. Loved the last sentence!

  • PJ Kaiser

    Very nice read, David – this is a bit of a departure for you. I love the language and the imagery. Although i was creeped out i was also intrigued – i guess that's a good combination ;-)