The Only Color

a flash story by David G Shrock

Listen to me tell this story: The Only Color MP3

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I accept the uniform, folded neat upon my arms. The soldier tells me blue is my color. Or is it gray? Another war, another battle—it is always the same—another uniform, nothing ever changes. A warrior only knows one color.

Blue or gray, I don my uniform holding me hot and tight. I stand in line with the others, mercenaries carrying scars of battle upon their faces. Some pale, some dark, the warriors hold two traits in common, their color and death in their eyes.

The mercenaries march, boots crushing the ground. The slinking centipede cuts through the army into the front line. Musket in left hand, sword in my right, I stand gazing over rolling green. A mercenary tells us to remember our color. Remember, the man beside me says tugging at his uniform.

Darkness arrives with the thunder of boots. I hold no argument, no ill between warriors. This is our way. The one beside me speaks again. He wishes me luck, find death at last. I thank him and shake my head. Another field, nothing ever changes. Perhaps my time passed me long ago. I wish him a good death and to remember our color.

Cannon fire announces the battle. Blue meets gray. Cries of war twist into howls of dread. I dance to the music of anguish, the beat of torment. I attack blue. Or is it gray? Dropping the musket, I carry my sword, cutting my way up the hill.

The soldiers are farmers and masons, not warriors. Blue and gray are their colors before the reaping. Some turn away in fear, others stand frozen clenching weapons. I clear first the ones with strength in their eyes. Weapons falling, death calling, a warrior only knows one color.

Blue or gray I forget, but their faces burn into memory. Color flees their cheeks, light departs their eyes. They shed crimson tears upon my dress. Even the mercenaries cry for me. I envy them, their freedom.

On the hilltop I stand alone gazing down over the field. Blue or gray matter no more. All of the fallen wear the same color—my color—flowing down the hill. Death and carrion are my companions.

Red is my color, the only color I know.

~Draco Torre

  • http://windspirit-girl.livejournal.com/ Melissa

    I do hope you know I meant I liked the last line. Either way, the piece is wonderful. Also wanted to let you know–there's an award for you at my blog: http://windspirit-girl.livejournal.com/21170.html

  • ganymeder

    I thought this was great. I think the last line was unnecessary, but otherwise well written.

  • http://www.dracotorre.com/blog/ David G Shrock

    Thanks, Melissa. Yes, I understood you liked the last line. As you said, “both things need to be underscored” and your response points out the layer that makes the final line necessary. My stories tend to be multi-layered and I don't expect everyone to see it all at once. You're a careful reader and point out the layers including your personal view. Very much appreciated.

    As for the 'award', I don't normally participate in these things, but I'll consider a creative spin. Thanks.

  • http://www.tonynoland.com/ Tony Noland

    I loved the rhythms of this, as well as the distilled economy of words. Very potent and beautiful.

    I would add my vote for striking the last line. One other minor item, a typo in paragraph 5 – you have “Canon fire announces the battle…”

  • http://twitter.com/h0jp0j CJ Hodges MacFarlane

    I think you can keep the last line, but I'd get rid of the red colored text on the word “red”. I enjoyed the ” They shed crimson tears upon my dress. Even the mercenaries cry for me.” Well done.

  • http://twitter.com/Doublelattemama PJ Kaiser

    David – I loved this piece – definitely one of your best. I vote for keeping the last line – it's not mandatory but i like the emphasis to tie the piece up. I definitely dig the new blog and kudos for the voice recording! you must tell me how you did it – i am hoping to do it soon with my stories. My only suggestion would be to read it a bit more slowly and be sure to enunciate – some of the words were too fast and ran together. You have a great voice, though :-)

  • Amy Taylor

    I was unsure about the last line too, but for the rest it's a great shorter piece, with an excellent use of language that's needed in such a small space.

  • http://www.dracotorre.com/blog/ David G Shrock

    Thanks. I used Garage Band to record voice. Need a better mic, but the built-in worked good enough. I'll try slower next time.

  • http://www.dracotorre.com/blog/ David G Shrock

    Thanks for comments on story and voice. Nice catch by @TonyNoland even the editor missed it. I'll take everything into consideration.

    As for the last line, I believe it depends on the layers the reader catches onto (or stands out the most) and the beat as noted by several comments. If uncertain, see comments by Shannon, Lily, Melissa, and Karen. Then take a closer look at this line:

    “He wishes me luck, find death at last. I thank him and shake my head. Another field, nothing ever changes. Perhaps my time passed me long ago.”

    If I were to remove the last line, I'd edit the above down as well and change the beat in other places. However, this story is not black-and-white. Could it be written better? Certainly, but I don't expect all readers to see the same things. If nothing else, removing the last line breaks the music. Listen to the voice telling.

    Thanks, everyone. The feedback is most helpful as I study flash and poetry.

  • markkerstetter

    To cut or not to cut? Your reasoning on why you wrote what you did works for me.

    I just read this by philosopher Simon Critchley: “[n war} a human being is meat and only this belief both expresses the lie and allows one to survive.” This is from his essay on the film “The Thin Red Line”.

  • http://linda-leftbrainwrite.blogspot.com/ Linda

    I appreciate the discussion engendered by your piece. Thank you for writing it, and for describing your thought process for each line. And yes, there is a distinct beat or rhythm upon hearing it read aloud (stupendous, btw) and reading it 'flat' on the screen. I would most definitely take the back and forth as a compliment of the highest kind — it means we all give a damn about your story ;^) Peace, Linda

  • http://windspirit-girl.livejournal.com/ Melissa

    Thank you, David. As for the award, I don't mind either way. The main thing was simply to say I like the way you tell lies. ;)