a flash series part 6 of 8 by David G Shrock
See Dunston Monster Contents for series information or back to Part 5.
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“We should take shelter. Wait out the storm.” Sebastian could barely hear his own voice over the river crashing around the rocks.
Tabitha yelled something about Roan. Holding up her hands, she indicated distance: close. They were already wet. Everything was too damp for a fire. Sebastian realized the town was their best chance. He offered to carry her. She refused indicating with the revolver that he should go first. He took the first step, a small one for him. Water spray attacked his trousers, the cold squeezing his muscles sending pins rippling up his legs. A stretch carried him to the next rock.
Loudest in the center of the river, the banks funneled the river’s roar.
Arms out wide, revolver in her right hand, Tabitha jumped to the first rock. A gust of wind sent her swaying, but she pulled herself upright. She gripped the revolver like death.
Sebastian wished she would put the gun away, or give it back. It was all he had of his father.
A stretch to the next rock carried Sebastian within two steps of the shore. Water splashed over his boot. He checked his footing. The rock felt slick. Looking back, he found Tabitha waiting on the rock behind him.
Sliding to the edge of the stone, making room, Sebastian turned and offered his hand.
Tabitha appeared frozen. Frost coated her hair. The fur coat was no longer black, more of a mottled white and gray with dark streaks. Her face appeared even paler, almost blue. Her demon eyes blazed.
As her foot left the rock, there was no question in Sebastian’s mind that her leap was short, and the frightened face told him, she knew it as well. He reached for her outstretched hand. Her boot disappeared into the river, and she dropped, her hand falling away.
Tabitha splashed face-down into the river, the current pulling her from the rocks. Sebastian stepped into the cold water and grasped her shoulder. He watched his father’s revolver disappear into the river. Gazing into the pleading eyes, into the hellfire, he saw hate and distrust. Tabitha expected him to release her, leave the monster behind.
Sebastian pulled her from the current’s grasp, the soaked coat weighing her down. He lifted her into his arms. Spotting a wall of rocks, he carried her into the protection from the wind.
Sebastian stripped the wet fur coat away, and removed his own coat. Wrapping his coat around Tabitha, he pulled her against the rocks. She shivered against him, and he squatted to get better hold wrapping his arms around her. They shivered against each other, and he kept his arms moving working heat. The river roared beside them, and the wind pulled at the trees. Snow fluttered in circles around them.
“I’m a school teacher,” said Tabitha, lips quivering. “Did I mention that?”
* * *
The cold latched on, gnawing, draining life. Snow stopped falling, the wind settled, but the air thickened its frozen grasp closing tight. Darkness swallowed the forest.
Each breath felt like needles. Knees buckled, but Sebastian charged ahead. He could only see a few meters, shapes moving within the darkness. Trees clawed at him. Elbows out, he protected Tabitha within his arms. Tucking down, he shouldered through branches snapping away. Thoughts of losing his cargo to the cold kept his feet moving, but frost clung to his back. He no longer felt his fingers. His heart pounded, and his lungs wheezed.
Feeling the ground drop away, Sebastian slid falling on his rear. He peered into the darkness finding shapes on either side, nothing ahead. He heard something, rocks or balls of clay, tumble through snow and leaves below. Recognizing the edge of a ravine, he stood scrambling back onto level ground.
Somewhere below, a creature snorted, likely an elk Sebastian thought.
His cargo rustled, and he looked down. Twin embers burned illuminated the fractal browns and golds of her irises much like the sun shining through the stained glass window at church—beautiful and dangerous.
“You.” Her voice was barely a whisper. “You rescued a monster.”
“Not yet,” said Sebastian. He tried smiling, but his face hurt.
The orbs shifted; Tabitha looked over. “A road.”
The road led downhill and the forest grew less dense. The patchwork of clouds allowed moonlight turning the snow bright. After the blackness, it nearly felt like daylight, and Sebastian quickened his pace. His legs complained, but he charged ahead nearly running. Little golden lights appeared in the valley, the lanterns of Roan lighting the way.
Sebastian charged the first house, and banged his fist against the door shaking the frame. Latch clicked, door swung open, and warmth spilled outside. A short balding man fell back from the doorway.
Ducking, Sebastian entered the home. “She fell in the river. She’s a school teacher.” He didn’t know why he added the last part. The cold talking he supposed.
The man stood there, dumbfounded. A woman appeared from a back room. Taking charge, the woman ordered the man to fetch blankets and invited Sebastian to the fire. He set Tabitha down on the floor before the hearth, sat down beside her. Warmth scratched his face. The couple brought them wool blankets and water.
Looking over at Tabitha peeking out of a pile of blankets, Sebastian smiled. His face hurt, but not as much as the pain stabbing into his fingers. The firelight hid the hellfire. He liked her brown eyes better. “Now you’re safe.
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Continue to Part 7.
Warning for the sensitive: The final two parts contain violence and blood.
View David Shrock's profile
Gotta love BLOOD. Excellent addition! Great prose included in this. I'm excited for the rest.
Excellent. The layers keep getting thicker and thicker. I can't wait to see how this changes their relationship and the rest of the story.
I was holding my breath during the river crossing. Nice build of tension–and you keep just enough going through the end of the piece to remind the reader who these characters are in relation to each other. I LOVED:
“I’m a school teacher,” said Tabitha, lips quivering. “Did I mention that?”
The perfect type of non sequitur (although, maybe not if thinking symbolically/metaphorically) one would say in the aftermath of something still unspeakable. Love Sebastian's repeat at the end. Nice, flowing prose. You are going to write a novel, right?
This is so good. The many short sentences of excellent prose throughout added to the thrum of excitement during the river crossing.
“You rescued a monster.”
“Not yet.”
Loved it.
Fine writing throughout this series. You should be proud.
Gripping again David, and the growing relationship between Sebastian and Tabitha is intriguing. I want to know more…
~Simon.
Classic rescue scene. This part moved their relationship forward nicely. He choses his captor over his father's revolver. And, I love the line, “I'm a school teacher.” She is beginning to reveal her softer side. Bring on the blood!
Thanks, regular readers.
Yes, Melissa, I've already written a novel and currently working on a second that involves a much older Sebastian.
I don't know about being proud, Marisa. The writing is acceptable. Judging the feedback (and lack of,) I'd say I have more work to do.
Nice seeing two votes for blood.
Given the declining interest in this series, and making readers wait a week between episodes 7 and 8 is just mean, I will post the final two episodes next week.
“Killer” on Thursday, Feb 11
“Demon Hunter” on Friday, Feb 12
These will not appear within the official #fridayflash report. I will tweet announcements. The complete story will also be available for download in ePub and PDF.
Thanks for reading.
Really well written – great suspense
David,
Please don't get discouraged. I personally know of 10 other writers, including myself, that are writing serial fiction. Most wait anywhere from a week to a month between episodes. Many people believe that serial fiction is a wave that is coming to the web.
Your stories have wonderful details and characters. You have created a great world here and you have a lot of support for your work.
I say, keep going. I love your stories, and I and others are willing to wait each week for new episodes.
This is an exciting story. I'm looking forward to the rest!
Thanks for the support, Anne.
I wrote Dunston Monster to completion in December, and I enjoyed it. I knew then that some readers would prefer reading in one sitting. I prefer sharing a story as a single unit, but decided to try a serial to find reactions.
The result is a reduction in traffic and comments.
Possibly better: complete story units in the same world or different adventures following the same character.
I continue to write, but I see no benefit from serializing.
Serializing novels like this is a new concept for me. I've read that some people have had success with giving the story in small increments but also have a link to the full story if you want to pay to read the whole thing right then. Not much, like $5. Not a bad idea. I don't have the best of memories, so it's hard for me to remember characters from week to week. Not sure this is a problem for others.
That said, I really like this story. High stakes, learning to trust, interspecies relationships
I'm a little nervous about the upcoming blood, but I enjoyed this installment and I will be back.
Nice work.
I'm primed for the violence and blood man! Your writing here and in last week's cliff-hanger is just like that: pumped and on-edge. I admire the palpable style. One doesn't read, one feels. I like the way power is exchanged between Sebastian and Tabitha: first she has the advantage, then he. And yeah, the schoolteacher comment – both of them – right on!
A note about serial fiction. I shy away from reading it, mostly because I can't trust myself to keep coming back. I wouldn't want to confuse the writer by being enthusiastic at first, then becoming (to the writer) mysteriously silent.
If it's hard to see the overall picture in the segments, then I'm going to lose interest, even if I like the writing. I'd rather have the whole thing in front of me. But with Dunston Monster I have a grip on the plot and an interest in the characters. You've managed the segments so that they are self-contained, remind the reader of the past, and propel forward, just like good old fashioned cliff-hangers. It kinda helps that your writing is superb.
I will reconsider serials in general. Uncertain if it's for me. Thanks for the input.
Oooo, violence and blood!
Looking forward to it!
Your story, by the by, is really good.
Schoolteachers, eh? They look so darned innocent…
I came to the series late, but I'm really enjoying it and love how each part stands alone as its own nugget of tension.
CD
Thanks, Cathy and Cecilia. Never too late. Hope you enjoy the ending.
I'm with Mark about usually not remembering characters well enough to follow a series in increments, simply because I read so many different flash pieces eac week. Dunston Monster, however, is a great exception to that – you've built these charcters so well that I'd be hard pressed to forget them or the stories. I believe one big advantage to posting each segment as a flash is that, as the writer, you Must be able to make each piece stand alone, and you do that very well David. Love how you revealed Sebastian's vulnerable side.
I look forward to next (or I guess I should say this) week – I've gotten behind a bit.
“Each breath felt like needles” – fantastic line, as were some others describing cold, and coming in from the cold.
This is wrought with tension between Tabitha and Sebastian.
Falling behind on one's fridayflash reading is good when one gets to read a few of these in one go!