Comments on: Alley Shade

By: Michelle

Michelle — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 11:49:55 +0000

That was good! It was tense, it was fast, it was compelling.

By: David G Shrock

David G Shrock — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 03:11:26 +0000

Thanks for pointing out the human nature angle, Jared. Fear is powerful, convincing, contagious.

I'm glad to here how many enjoyed the prose in this one.

By: Jared Branch

Jared Branch — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 18:32:37 +0000

Interesting look into human nature. Was anybody there? Ultimately it doesn't matter, what matters is that the man believes they are and he might have convinced the woman they are, too.

Really enjoyable prose – the clipped sentences are attention grabbing and really puts you in the moment that she experiences.

By: David G Shrock

David G Shrock — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 03:19:38 +0000

Thanks for the support Chance, Trevor, and Eric. Indeed, those imagined things are the scariest.

I'll get back to Sebastian in December and consider another Julie adventure in January.

By: trev

trev — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 01:25:22 +0000

I look forward to more. You've introduced a great deal of tension and intrigue.

By: Eric J. Krause

Eric J. Krause — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 15:00:10 +0000

Very cool. Sometimes the scariest things are those that aren't really there. Good story!

By: Eric J. Krause

Eric J. Krause — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 14:59:58 +0000

Very cool. Sometimes the scariest things are those that aren't really there. Good story!

By: chance1234

chance1234 — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 11:22:10 +0000

theres is great pacing to this creepy tale, you can really feel the suspense

By: David G Shrock

David G Shrock — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 06:11:05 +0000

Thanks. You summarized everything very nice, and I agree with nearly everything.

I prefer a stronger description placing the alley as Julie approaches it: Is it on the same side of the street? It matters if only a little. The focus is on the panic--the ride. Some details are for the reader to fill in, but the descriptions could be better.

The bad news: no background on Julie. (Why was she walking down the street at night?) The good news for those interested: find out more about Julie whenever I finish her big story.

The good news: I have a copyright notice at the bottom of my blog... [Kids, see J. Dane Tyler's #fridayflash "Copyright Protected" to see what happens when you steal content.]

By: J. Dane Tyler

J. Dane Tyler — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 04:50:17 +0000

I'm going to sound off with many others on this one; outstanding job building tension, but some of the descriptions and events left me a touch confused. The good news is, I didn't care. I kept chugging along assuming I'd figure it out at some point.

The bad news is, some of it never cleared up.

The good news is, it didn't much matter. The tension and edge-of-your-seat ride overcame any weaknesses, and the last line of the story sort of makes everything clear anyway.

GREAT job. Bravo!